Jam It

Road Warriors are the respectable, road beaten, corporate travelers who have learned to adapt to a fast-paced, business lifestyle with a unique brand of urban survival skills.  The elite breed of this warrior clan subscribes to an unwritten code of conduct that honors and preserves the sanctity of our fellow travelers’ respite. 

Then enters Agent Smith. 

Imagine:  He or she can take on any form, but don’t fooled by these evil imbeciles.  They can be spotted just in front of you at the airport’s security line.  They’re the ones riffling through countless bags, apparently looking for the standard accouterments of a common gate crashing peasant, possibly preventing your heroic journey to the aid another distressed client.  You will find them sitting next to you at the crowded gate, alternately blowing snot into a fowl rag and then biting into some nasty smelling goo disguised in a sandwich wrapper.  Now you board the plane.  Every seat is packed, turning your aircraft into the proverbial flying sardine can.  Perhaps half of the plane is occupied with noble warriors.  Another thirty percent or so are the traveling rookies and innocent civilians who mean no harm and try their best – yet they still slow you down and often thwart your best moves while navigating the backroads to Zion.  What you didn’t expect is that sitting next to you on this unholy machine is Agent Smith.  This time he has chosen not to bath in the last year (clever strategy) – a clear dark ninja move aimed at spoiling some rare moments of rest on your righteous quest.  Then he deploys a secret weapon.  It turns out that five potent bean burritos were hidden in the goo of the sandwich wrapper.

The journey is not over.  Having made due hast to escape the onslaught of repeated chemical attacks, you find yourself a nice resting spot at the connecting gate, right in front of the suspended television in order to enjoy a brief, but well-earned, entertaining diversion.  Soon Agent Smiths are everywhere and indeed you are sandwiched between two of them.  With nowhere to escape, you hunker down and prepare for the worst.  Simultaneously, they both draw their wireless weapons and begin to fire piercing, obnoxious conversations, effectively drowning out any hopes of enjoying an amusing interlude.  Hope fades into a seemingly non-ending onslaught of irritating, inane and moronic hyperbole.

Amidst the confusion and meaningless noise, you surreptitiously reach your hand into the trusty SwissGear urban survival bag and flip the switch on a portable, hightech, low drag, multiple frequency, cell phone jammer.  The din stops, you crack a subtle smile as the Agent Smiths spiral into a tirade of frustrating defeat.  Finally a blanket of relative quite envelopes your space and you settle into a glorious ten-minute oasis.

For those of you who are new Road Warriors, supporting civilians, or simply can’t handle the hightech fire power of a portable cell phone jammer, give these a try.  At the least, these will confuse Agent Smith:

shhhcards